Just because of a couple of incidents that have been sticking in my craw something fierce, I feel the urge to offer a few helpful tips to out-of-staters, especially east-coasters, who move to Montana and hope to make it their own happy home. The first and most important should be obvious: to live here happily, you need to be able to get along with Montanans. That should be patently obvious, but some of the fine points get a little lost in application.
Being as I'm always here to help, just as I was with Lot-Vultures, I figured I'd offer a few insights just to support the cause of harmony and world peace.
First, property is everything to Montanans. We will know it's value, it's strengths and it's limitations. More to the point, though this will sound redundant, we know what it's worth to us. Respect that, or there will be consequences. I couldn't be more serious with this. More people have been shot over water rights in this state than have been hung for cattle-rustling. Montanans tend to be keenly aware of what's theirs, so don't be intruding with your expectations.
Examples: If a guy moves a fence off of your property onto the actual property line, especially when you bought your property never knowing about the encroachment, you say "Thank you", and then shut the fuck up. Period. If your neighbor is doing things with and within his property that you don't like, and it doesn't affect your property at all, shut the fuck up. You don't have to like these things, but you do have to accept them. Most counties and municipalities have rules and ordinance to protect your rights. If your neighbor isn't violating any of those, you have nothing to say. So don't say it. If the water run, above or below ground, isn't what you want it to be, then too damn bad. If above ground, then get the water right or shut the fuck up. If below ground, then don't show your displeasure that life treats you unfairly. Your property is yours, and your neighbor's is his. Respect that, and you'll get along just fine in this state.
Second, we all love things that grow but there are consequences to them all. If you have a problem that your neighbors leaves fall into your yard, then buy better gloves with which to rake them, and shut the fuck up. Growing things add value to all property in Montana, both that in which it grows and all adjacent. Montanans know this. Learn it, and love it.
Third, and related, know what grows and how it grows. Noxious weeds are a problem to this state. When you see them, pull them. Wash your rigs to remove seeds. You obviously fell in love with this state for a reason. Wouldn't it be nice to keep it that way? When you buy properties that have weeds, attempt to control them. If you have established plantings, maintain them. You bought the place at what price you did for a reason, right? Did you think that was an accident? Of course it wasn't. Keep up what you chose. Otherwise, you just piss off your neighbors needlessly. Tree suckers happen with many mountain plantings. You may like them, but here's the truth: they are disease prone, they sap nutrients from other plantings, the roots have consequences as they grow and they can damage the parent plant. With Aspens, this isn't so big a deal. With Birches and Ashes, it is. Learn your mountain plants, Easty. And finally, Hop is a vine. It can be cut to the ground and still grow back full force the very next year. When a Montanan tells you something about a plant that grows here, you'd best frickin' shut up and listen. That's called learning ... look into it.
(And for the record, you dip, I do know that "some people brew beer with that, ya' know!")
Fourth, and this is the biggie, our state is not for sale; and neither are we. You may be used to offering people a couple a hundred bucks to suck up to your will, but that isn't Montana (at least not since Judy left office.) Most of us can't be bought for Scotch; most of us don't believe we can be bought at all. If you want something from your neighbors, ask. If they say no, or just ignore you, shut up and move on. They have their own will and probably a *fuck you* attitude. The arrogance displayed by your offer to purchase their compliance will only piss them off more, especially if they've tried to be more fair to you than you were even aware of. And then they will screw with you at every opportunity. Why not? You pissed 'em off, ya' fuckin jerk.
Fifth and finally, don't approach your neighbors while being Stoned Ass Stupid, especially not while being belligerent. What, you think us hicks won't know? Of course we will. Most of us don't give one single salient shit what you do in your own house on your own time. But fuss with us while being a poster child for East Coast elitism, especially while under the influence, and many of us will smack your jaw with a heavy power tool. It's a testament to the Montana character when we don't. But it's really not wise to push it.