A good friend asks me BTW: How you doing? That's a question I'm finding very difficult to answer right about now. The easy answer is "Cranky".
I'm a curmudgeon. Believe it. Discomfort does not suit me, and there's a whole lot to be uncomfortable about right now. I'm on a diet, again. I peaked at about 255# and said enough is enough. So I've lost 15# since the Super Bowl, but you gotta trust me, that ain't easy. I don't like diets; they piss me off and make me cranky. But I want to be down to the target of 205# by the time we all get together in June, and this is one want that I will have. So, I'm just gonna be cranky for a while.
I'm back in the gym, and lifting hurts. Hurts makes me cranky. But I know the benefits and rewards, so I'll just keep being cranky until they come. The downside is that the diet, plus the lifting has given me a case of gout. I refer to my leg appendages as Frankenstein feet. It's like having two big clubs that you walk on, each with a glowing ball of pain in the gooey center. This didn't happen to me when I was younger, so it's just one more reminder that we aren't the youthful savages we used to be. I miss those savages.
Then there is the stuff that helps me be depressed. A great deal of it is political. I really believe that as a nation, we have lost our collective minds (me included). It's far more about who you agree with and who you hate, than it is about policy that enables our lives anymore. The symbols of what we have become are so much more important than who we are and who we want to be. Everyone's talking "morals" and no one's listening because we're all to damn busy crosstalking each other because, by GOD, we know the truth! I used to think Montana an oasis removed from that somewhat, but not anymore. Sinrud, Koopman, Balyeat ... their out to change the world not based on any agreement of how we can live together, but rather based on a book. A Book. Not on a charter, or constitution, but on a book that they feel trumps such mundane concerns as the law by which we all get along. Maybe they're right, maybe the atheists are right, maybe I'm right. The point of living together is to actually live together well. I don't think that's happening and I don't think that's the direction that we're going. I could tell you all how much I respect our current Governor at this point but it wouldn't matter; 'cause we've established that assumed motivations are more important than substantive results. One needs only read PowerLine to figure that out.
Though I seem to be addicted to the web at this point, I find it very unsatisfying. More and more, its all about the "Us v.s. Them". I could write a masters thesis on how this all happened, but it's probably already been written and nobody cares to read it. This is depressing.
A further point of depression is the drought. Don't get me wrong, I've no love lost for snow. But the drought is affecting us all in ways we can't fully describe. I expect winter, I anticipate winter, I hope for spring. How can you do any of that when winter consists of a week of subzero temps and then 40 degree days and not a flake of snow in sight? I've been spending a lot of time reading about water issues in Montana, and if you don't already know this, folks, we're kinda screwed. Since getting together with Chris, I've learned to love the Beaverhead valley. And it's going to be one of the hardest hit this summer. The only folks happy about this are the lawyers. I am not happy about it, at all.
In the category of irritating, we have work. There are many things coming to a head all at once. Without delving into their nature, suffice it to say that work is like an itch in your crotch in the middle of a board meeting. And people, please, how hard is it to RTFS?
And I'm not sleeping well. It might be a result of the diet, or some health problem that I am unaware of ... because I haven't seen a doctor in over ten years. 'Don't know for certain, but it is irritating.
Then there is the jubilant. Its easy to fall into the idea that my sarcastic way and willful nature lead me to be morose and bitter. Not true. I am resigned to several things in my life that irritate and depress, and I realize strongly that life is better than any alternatives. It just happens. I love my wife, I love my dogs and cats, and more than I can express I'm looking forward to seeing my friends soon. I'd yack more about all of the good, but most is probably too personal.
So there it is, my state of mind. Over all, I'd say I'm feeling "strangely" hence the title of this post. And Ralph, my Grandmother will be in your neck of the woods for the next two weeks. Out of the blue, my Dad called me and asked that I would come over. I'm not sure if I will yet, but if I do, I'll let you know for sure.
Take care, all of you.